The end of the year & dancing in that

“There is a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in.”~Leonard Cohen, Canadian songwriter

I’m not literally dancing, but like everyone else, I’m reflecting. 

Today I opened Facebook and read that another friend died. Then I received an email from another friend about that, and I appreciate the personal attention. 

Of all things, the memory I first recall is a lack of hospitality. I suggested visiting her and asked to stay with her. She replied with some polite but roundabout way of saying without saying that she wouldn’t want me to stay with her. 

True, my motivation was selfish: I wanted to visit and stay for free, not pay the expensive rates of a hotel. She had the space. She had let others stay with her recently. Was it me?  Was it a change in her personal policy?  I never asked again. We emailed, I saw her at group events, but I never visited. 

What bothered me was that she never directly said “I don’t want (you/anyone) to stay with me.”  Without that, I felt she was selfish. At this moment, I can think of at least seven people who would extend me that courtesy, that friendship. I would never ask anything of anyone that I would not do myself. Even if all I have is a couch to offer, my friends and family are always welcome. 

I have other fond memories of her, and she was more than just a Christmas card at the holidays. Now I won’t even see random pictures of her on Facebook. Instead, we will all write on her wall how much we miss her, how wonderful she is/was, how much an impact she had on us and all that. It’s too late. 

I enjoyed my life this year, even during those cranky, fumpy, pouty times. 

This year, I made it a point to call friends more often. I wrote letters to these friends, short cards about my day letting them know I was thinking of them. I talked with family members. I scrapbooked with friends. I visited with friends. I hugged my friends and my family. I ended every visit, every conversation and hug with “I love you.”

It sometimes feels awkward to say it to someone I’m not romantically attracted to. Love certainly means so many things, has so many meanings. My friends know I love them, I know that they know, and they know that I know that they know. Still, it’s important to me to tell them. It’s important to tell them now before it’s no longer possible. 

I love you, my dear readers and friends. You bring me joy. Your comments make me smile. Your Likes and Shares make me feel all warm and fuzzy. 

Let’s end this year with love, and let tomorrow be its own day. 

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